I have a tendency to try to milk every moment that Brad and I get to spend together, because our time together is rare. I get up at 5:30 am, go to work, aren't home until 3:50 at the earliest... He works 5pm-2am most days, including weekends. So our time together during the week is rare and on weekends we tend to sleep through most of it. I try to spend every moment I can with him, almost as if I have a limited amount of time. I usually do this with people because they have a tendancy to leave me... It's just what happens. Not sure why.
I've also been trying really hard to go to a friends wedding that is the day of mine and Brads year and a half. Not exactly a big deal, but I had him book off the day before so that we can at least do dinner or something. As it turns out, it looks like my only option to get to her wedding is go Friday with my boss and stay the night. This means missing out on precious boyfriend time that I requested we have... And I'm torn. And he's sitting here all amazing like "go to the wedding! I won't be upset, I understand, blah blah blah" and then he says something that almost makes my heart stop. And keep in mind, Brad doesn't talk feelings. He doesn't do emotion.... He never says he loves me first because he feels saying it too much ruins it. He and I know he loves me so I don't need to hear gooey shit from him all the time. So when he says this, I almost died. He says "you'll only get to go to her wedding once, and you've got the rest of our lives to hang out with me."
How did I get this lucky?
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Dear Diary...
Today my boyfriend cleaned the bathroom! WHAT! And I only had to ask him ONCE! IT'S A MIRACLE! Trust me, it absolutely is. He's very.... easily distracted. I want to say forgetful, but he will fight me tooth and nail against the word "forget". He will say "I did not forget. I got distracted until I had no time left, and I had to leave for [insert place he had to go]". Now me, I would call that a pretty standard definition of forgetting. Oh I have to do something. Oh, here's something else... Oh I didn't do that thing because it temporarily COMPLETELY LEFT MY MIND. Aka I forgot. But Brad has a special way of forgetting. One in which he isn't distracted by anything (rare) and later thinks to himself "there's something I need to do and can't remember what it was". But he claims that 90% of the time he's just distracted. He knows he has to clean the bathroom / wash the dishes / do the cat litter / eat meals.... but he doesn't have time. Oh silly boy.
So you can see why him cleaning the bathroom after I only asked ONCE (technically twice, but our conversation wherein I asked what the likelihood of him actually cleaning the bathroom if I asked, and him asking a time frame, barely counts as me asking him. I asked him this morning.). Someone told me once that you have to train men. I cannot train Brad. But I like the fact that I don't WANT to train him. He's not a dog. He just needs to get into habits. I need to get into habits! It's not like I didn't sit there and go "man.. that's a lot of hair on this counter. I should clean it" and then CLEAN IT. No no. It wasn't my turn. But I could have. I need training.
I also need training on how to lose weight and have a life. Is there a night-class I can take for that? Ask the bowl of candy I had with dinner.... I refuse to weigh myself!
So you can see why him cleaning the bathroom after I only asked ONCE (technically twice, but our conversation wherein I asked what the likelihood of him actually cleaning the bathroom if I asked, and him asking a time frame, barely counts as me asking him. I asked him this morning.). Someone told me once that you have to train men. I cannot train Brad. But I like the fact that I don't WANT to train him. He's not a dog. He just needs to get into habits. I need to get into habits! It's not like I didn't sit there and go "man.. that's a lot of hair on this counter. I should clean it" and then CLEAN IT. No no. It wasn't my turn. But I could have. I need training.
I also need training on how to lose weight and have a life. Is there a night-class I can take for that? Ask the bowl of candy I had with dinner.... I refuse to weigh myself!
2 days, 4 hours
I'm watching Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in preparation for The Deathly Hallows... One of my favourite scenes in this movie isn't even IN the book, and caused quite an outrage amongst hardcore HP fans. I consider myself on of these fans BUT I thought the scene was incredible.
Of course I'm talking about the scene at The Burrow (I want to live there. I want a home as cozy at The Burrow. I think I'll name my first house The Burrow v2.0) where they are attacked, and The Burrow is... aflame *sob*. It's so HEART WRENCHING because EVERYBODY loves the Weasleys. THEY NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG EXCEPT BE PURE AWESOME. SERIOUSLY. I love them. Love them. The end. But anyways! When Harry and Ginny run into the tall grass, and see Fenrir Greyback and are, well, being stalked by death-eaters... it's such a well done scene. I think the lack of background music was a fantastic choice for that scene because there's nothing to distract you from the scene. It's a strange scene, slightly cheesy, and horrifying if you're young... because you can HEAR everything. Because there is no music. There are scenes when no music makes all the difference. This is one of them.
Dear The Weasleys
I'd say adopt me, but I'd rather marry into the family. Ron being my preference but I'll take George too, seeing as he's single and alone :(
Love,
Amy
Of course I'm talking about the scene at The Burrow (I want to live there. I want a home as cozy at The Burrow. I think I'll name my first house The Burrow v2.0) where they are attacked, and The Burrow is... aflame *sob*. It's so HEART WRENCHING because EVERYBODY loves the Weasleys. THEY NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG EXCEPT BE PURE AWESOME. SERIOUSLY. I love them. Love them. The end. But anyways! When Harry and Ginny run into the tall grass, and see Fenrir Greyback and are, well, being stalked by death-eaters... it's such a well done scene. I think the lack of background music was a fantastic choice for that scene because there's nothing to distract you from the scene. It's a strange scene, slightly cheesy, and horrifying if you're young... because you can HEAR everything. Because there is no music. There are scenes when no music makes all the difference. This is one of them.
Dear The Weasleys
I'd say adopt me, but I'd rather marry into the family. Ron being my preference but I'll take George too, seeing as he's single and alone :(
Love,
Amy
Monday, November 15, 2010
So unimpressed.
One of the most disarming things about gaining weight is that point when you're doing laundry or going through your clothing and you find something and immediately think "man... there is no way this fits me. It's so huge and shapeless" and then you put it on... and it fits great. It may even be snug. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?! I hate that!
I've been so bad the last 2 weeks I refuse to weigh myself. And I've never been much of a weight watcher. Yes I try to lose weight, but I don't like actually seeing the numbers because when they don't go down, my spirits do. We never had a scale in my house growing up... I would sneak my weight checking at friend's houses, and it was like a novelty. I bought a scale in 2nd year for an art project, and I've kept it.... I've only used it maybe 10 times, and it's been.... 4 years? Yeah not much of a weight watcher. Probably because it's so discouraging!
I went for a nice long walk today though, with some running... I'd have thrown in more running but another dude came in to use the little gym room in my apartment and there was noooo way I was running my jiggly belly on that treadmill facing him and his muscles. JUDGED!
It's been nice having a life as of late. Maybe I'll come up with something actually interesting to say.... maybe!
I've been so bad the last 2 weeks I refuse to weigh myself. And I've never been much of a weight watcher. Yes I try to lose weight, but I don't like actually seeing the numbers because when they don't go down, my spirits do. We never had a scale in my house growing up... I would sneak my weight checking at friend's houses, and it was like a novelty. I bought a scale in 2nd year for an art project, and I've kept it.... I've only used it maybe 10 times, and it's been.... 4 years? Yeah not much of a weight watcher. Probably because it's so discouraging!
I went for a nice long walk today though, with some running... I'd have thrown in more running but another dude came in to use the little gym room in my apartment and there was noooo way I was running my jiggly belly on that treadmill facing him and his muscles. JUDGED!
It's been nice having a life as of late. Maybe I'll come up with something actually interesting to say.... maybe!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Whew..
It would figure that I would start a blog to keep myself entertained and then actually have a decently busy week. It certainly helps me feel better about myself, minus the fact that I haven't worked out all week and I've eaten somewhere around a metric tonne of candy. No big deal.
If there's one thing in this world I hate, it's searching for a job. I still haven't heard anything from the City, but Anita told me to give it 2-3 weeks. If I haven't heard anything by Friday, I'm going to call them and inquire about if they got my resume or not. Other than that, I haven't been able to find anything. There's only one bank job nearby available and it's for Guelph/Kitchener/Waterloo/Cambridge and involves working evening and weekends at a bunch of branches... and only 15-37 hours a week. I cannot survive on 15 hours a week... that's just pathetic! So harsh. It's just so hard now because I have a car and the boyfriend does not, and he needs one pretty much every night, since he works until 2am (3:30 yesterday!). This makes it very difficult but I think I need to focus more on getting me a job than how it'll affect his ride... he can always ask someone for a ride. *sigh* It's just so hard, and so... not degrading, but disheartening. Applying for a job not even 6 months after spending 2 months searching for a job before. Not a whole lot out there.
In other news, my cat is insane. But that's a story for another day.
If there's one thing in this world I hate, it's searching for a job. I still haven't heard anything from the City, but Anita told me to give it 2-3 weeks. If I haven't heard anything by Friday, I'm going to call them and inquire about if they got my resume or not. Other than that, I haven't been able to find anything. There's only one bank job nearby available and it's for Guelph/Kitchener/Waterloo/Cambridge and involves working evening and weekends at a bunch of branches... and only 15-37 hours a week. I cannot survive on 15 hours a week... that's just pathetic! So harsh. It's just so hard now because I have a car and the boyfriend does not, and he needs one pretty much every night, since he works until 2am (3:30 yesterday!). This makes it very difficult but I think I need to focus more on getting me a job than how it'll affect his ride... he can always ask someone for a ride. *sigh* It's just so hard, and so... not degrading, but disheartening. Applying for a job not even 6 months after spending 2 months searching for a job before. Not a whole lot out there.
In other news, my cat is insane. But that's a story for another day.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
This blog...
So I started this blog for a couple of reasons. To have something to do in the evenings when I'm alone, to have a way to attempt to express how I feel and help me work through it myself, to record my weight issues in an attempt to lose a whole bunch... and for fun, of course!
I have this job.. and I've had this job for 5 months only. I'm still technically on probation at this job. I like this job. It pays well, the benefits are good, I can pretty much make my own schedule as long as I work the right amount of hours, and the people are great! GREAT! Did I mention the greatness of the people? They're great. Especially in my department, the people... they rock. They're funny and nice and just my type. But I live in city A, the the job is in city B. City A is about... 56km from city B. This is a 45 minute drive. Each way. Every day. And my car can go maybe... I don't know.. JUST over 400 km on a tank. This equals filling up my gas tank AT LEAST once a week, but more often twice a week. Which equates to about $400/month on gas. That's problem 1. Problem 2... I have this boyfriend. And he's great. Think about something great, and he's better. And I love him so much. SO much. But he has this great job (I wish I had HIS job) and he works in City A. At 5, 4 days a week, and at 4 once a week. He can walk to work, no biggie.. except that he works until about 2am. And I won't let him walk home at 2am for many reasons. This means that I have to be home by 4:30. Which means I work 7-3 during the week. Which means I wake up at 5:30 every morning. WHICH MEANS I go to bed at 9:30 every night. Another reason why don't want Brad to walk home... he won't get home until like 3am at the earliest. And he can't come to bed after 3:30 if I want to sleep between that time and my alarm. Because I'm crazy like that. Thus... bed by 9:30 and no car pretty much every night. So I have no social life.
Basically, I have no social life, I sit on my butt at least 10 hours a day, and I never get to see my wonderful amazing Boyfriend. This has lead to some bad things. Such as the weight gain (25lbs in 3 months?), the loneliness (thank God for my cat. Asta Proudfoot! You'll hear more about her... all the time), and the depression. Yup. Depression. I'm not a depression kind of person! I'm an obscenely happy, annoying optimistic type person who always finds a silver lining and all that crap. But lately, from all the things together... I'm not happy. I'm not finding a silver lining. I'm not optimistic. I spent over a month being angry at my AMAZING boyfriend for stupid shit that doesn't normally bother me. And he wasn't really taking me seriously... so it wasn't getting better. It took 2 weeks of crying by myself and 2 epic breakdowns in front of him for him and even myself to really understand what's wrong.
But the good news is I now know what's wrong, and I'm actively trying to fix it! I weigh more than I every thought I'd let myself weigh. This makes me miserable. I never get to see ANYONE. This makes me miserable. So I'm trying to lose weight (except for today... today I'm being bad. I ate bad and I didn't jog), and I'm (yikes) applying for a new job. TRYING. It took me months to find my job in City B, and that's only because my friend from school works there and hooked me up with an application. So this may be a long haul.
So here we are. Day 2 of the New Blog. Let's try this
1) I applied for a new job yesterday working for City A. It pays a bajillion dollars an hour, it's a 10 minute drive from home, and would allow me to wake up as late as 7:30AM! That's sleeping in an extra 2 hours! That's bed at 11:30pm! THAT'S AMAZING.
2) I weigh.... ugh.... 204lbs. I'm 5'3" and weigh 204lbs. Most of it isn't in my boobs (although... my boobs are fabulous)
I worked out twice this week. I'm eating Special K for breakfast every morning instead of bagels or breakfast sandwiches. I TRY to have grapes for a snack instead of Doritos or candy. If I keep this up, I could lose weight. If I exercise more... I could lose weight. If I keep track of it here, I may actually be forced to lose weight haha.
I feel like Bridget Jones. Minus the smoking.. and the hot boss. Though my hot boyfriend is now a boss at the job where we met. If I'd worked an extra 2 DAYS... I'd be banging my hot boss. You totally wanted to know that.
I have this job.. and I've had this job for 5 months only. I'm still technically on probation at this job. I like this job. It pays well, the benefits are good, I can pretty much make my own schedule as long as I work the right amount of hours, and the people are great! GREAT! Did I mention the greatness of the people? They're great. Especially in my department, the people... they rock. They're funny and nice and just my type. But I live in city A, the the job is in city B. City A is about... 56km from city B. This is a 45 minute drive. Each way. Every day. And my car can go maybe... I don't know.. JUST over 400 km on a tank. This equals filling up my gas tank AT LEAST once a week, but more often twice a week. Which equates to about $400/month on gas. That's problem 1. Problem 2... I have this boyfriend. And he's great. Think about something great, and he's better. And I love him so much. SO much. But he has this great job (I wish I had HIS job) and he works in City A. At 5, 4 days a week, and at 4 once a week. He can walk to work, no biggie.. except that he works until about 2am. And I won't let him walk home at 2am for many reasons. This means that I have to be home by 4:30. Which means I work 7-3 during the week. Which means I wake up at 5:30 every morning. WHICH MEANS I go to bed at 9:30 every night. Another reason why don't want Brad to walk home... he won't get home until like 3am at the earliest. And he can't come to bed after 3:30 if I want to sleep between that time and my alarm. Because I'm crazy like that. Thus... bed by 9:30 and no car pretty much every night. So I have no social life.
Basically, I have no social life, I sit on my butt at least 10 hours a day, and I never get to see my wonderful amazing Boyfriend. This has lead to some bad things. Such as the weight gain (25lbs in 3 months?), the loneliness (thank God for my cat. Asta Proudfoot! You'll hear more about her... all the time), and the depression. Yup. Depression. I'm not a depression kind of person! I'm an obscenely happy, annoying optimistic type person who always finds a silver lining and all that crap. But lately, from all the things together... I'm not happy. I'm not finding a silver lining. I'm not optimistic. I spent over a month being angry at my AMAZING boyfriend for stupid shit that doesn't normally bother me. And he wasn't really taking me seriously... so it wasn't getting better. It took 2 weeks of crying by myself and 2 epic breakdowns in front of him for him and even myself to really understand what's wrong.
But the good news is I now know what's wrong, and I'm actively trying to fix it! I weigh more than I every thought I'd let myself weigh. This makes me miserable. I never get to see ANYONE. This makes me miserable. So I'm trying to lose weight (except for today... today I'm being bad. I ate bad and I didn't jog), and I'm (yikes) applying for a new job. TRYING. It took me months to find my job in City B, and that's only because my friend from school works there and hooked me up with an application. So this may be a long haul.
So here we are. Day 2 of the New Blog. Let's try this
1) I applied for a new job yesterday working for City A. It pays a bajillion dollars an hour, it's a 10 minute drive from home, and would allow me to wake up as late as 7:30AM! That's sleeping in an extra 2 hours! That's bed at 11:30pm! THAT'S AMAZING.
2) I weigh.... ugh.... 204lbs. I'm 5'3" and weigh 204lbs. Most of it isn't in my boobs (although... my boobs are fabulous)
I worked out twice this week. I'm eating Special K for breakfast every morning instead of bagels or breakfast sandwiches. I TRY to have grapes for a snack instead of Doritos or candy. If I keep this up, I could lose weight. If I exercise more... I could lose weight. If I keep track of it here, I may actually be forced to lose weight haha.
I feel like Bridget Jones. Minus the smoking.. and the hot boss. Though my hot boyfriend is now a boss at the job where we met. If I'd worked an extra 2 DAYS... I'd be banging my hot boss. You totally wanted to know that.
Dear...
Dear anyone not living on the 8th floor of my building,
You have a laundry room on your floor. I have a laundry room on MY floor. If you don't live on MY floor, don't use MY laundry machines. Especially not when I have no clean work pants!!
Love, Amy
You have a laundry room on your floor. I have a laundry room on MY floor. If you don't live on MY floor, don't use MY laundry machines. Especially not when I have no clean work pants!!
Love, Amy
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Sometimes..
I am incapable of singing the "I Put a Spell on You" song from Hocus Pocus correctly. I always always ALWAYS sing to myself "and if you don't believe you better get superstitious... Don't believe me? Ask the dishes!"
ALWAYS.
ALWAYS.
It's Just A Bunch of Hocus Pocus
We are just three spinster ladies, spending a quiet evening at home... SUCKING THE LIVES OUT OF LITTLE CHILDREN!!
I'm watching Hocus Pocus (as I do every single October), and reading Dooce's blog from the beginning (because I've been following her for years and wanted to know it all... I'm a creeper like that). I've been thinking for a few weeks now to restart a blog. Pretty much just as something to do when spending my evenings at home like a spinster. A spinster with a sexy boyfriend who is off making money in the evenings being Mr. Manager In A Tie. I had a "blog" a few years ago.... okay for like 8 years. But it was a Livejournal. And it was awesome. But I haven't been on in forever and wanted to start something new. Something less... a record of my highschool and university years. Which they were. And it was boring. Except for all the awesome links to everything I was (am) obsessed with which is fan-run. I'm sure I can do that here though.
I've been having sort of a rough time with my life lately, and spend a lot of evenings home alone being bored. I figured I could take up the time and write a blog. It helps me to write out my feelings and frustrations and be able to go back and reflect, but I'm not a writer. And I've got a lot of feelings! Like currently I'm feeling tired (I jogged), sore (I jogged!) and overweight (I JOGGED??!)
I'm going to play around with my new fancy blog a bit. Try to get my own look... Good luck with that! I can't code or fiddle with HTML to Save. My. Life.
I'm watching Hocus Pocus (as I do every single October), and reading Dooce's blog from the beginning (because I've been following her for years and wanted to know it all... I'm a creeper like that). I've been thinking for a few weeks now to restart a blog. Pretty much just as something to do when spending my evenings at home like a spinster. A spinster with a sexy boyfriend who is off making money in the evenings being Mr. Manager In A Tie. I had a "blog" a few years ago.... okay for like 8 years. But it was a Livejournal. And it was awesome. But I haven't been on in forever and wanted to start something new. Something less... a record of my highschool and university years. Which they were. And it was boring. Except for all the awesome links to everything I was (am) obsessed with which is fan-run. I'm sure I can do that here though.
I've been having sort of a rough time with my life lately, and spend a lot of evenings home alone being bored. I figured I could take up the time and write a blog. It helps me to write out my feelings and frustrations and be able to go back and reflect, but I'm not a writer. And I've got a lot of feelings! Like currently I'm feeling tired (I jogged), sore (I jogged!) and overweight (I JOGGED??!)
I'm going to play around with my new fancy blog a bit. Try to get my own look... Good luck with that! I can't code or fiddle with HTML to Save. My. Life.
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